atonement

Oh how I hate to say goodbye.

But I’m a liar

For making you believe

We could be whole again.

And you’re a manipulator

For thinking I wouldn’t see

See right through all of the gentle lies,

See your insecurities

Pride in disguise.

You keep your one-dimensional view

Of who I am

As long as you can –

Because if you looked past it all,

If you started paying attention,

You would see

Intelligence and complexities

And know there is more

Than you ever expected to be.

And then you’d have to

Feel it

Admit it

Wasn’t all my fault.

But you stay alone,

Trapped in the room

You claim has inside-out locks;

Claiming the world forced you

To become what you’re not.

Maybe you think I wouldn’t get it

But I do.

Or maybe you were afraid I would get it,

Because I was never the one

You wanted to.

And you say you want to atone

For all the damage you’ve done,

But you look past all of the wreckage

The hurt, the half-hearted tries,

And the version of me

Who didn’t survive.

You do exactly what

You say you hate

And force me into a role

I never asked to play.

And oh, how I hate to say goodbye.

But I’m still lying

I’m still making you believe

I haven’t been dying.

And you still use me,

And I know I have to leave

that version of me.

But oh, how I hate to say goodbye.

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